Secrets of a Joy-Filled Life

I’ve been spending a ridiculous amount of time thinking about tomatoes. Not just any tomatoes, mind you: I’ve been specifically thinking about the cherry tomatoes I was served with my eggs a week or two ago. They were lightly fried in a peppery olive oil and sprinkled with a bit of coarse salt, which only highlighted their garden-fresh tomatoey flavor.

Simply put, they were perfect.

Of course, it didn’t hurt that I consumed those tomatoes while on vacation in Italy…

…with mountain views looming just beyond the cappuccino that accompanied them.

While there is no doubt that the environment and occasion for eating these tomatoes only enhanced my enjoyment of them, a gorgeous setting cannot make up for horrid tomatoes.

These tomatoes were delicious…and I was overjoyed.

This slightly obsessive replay of tomato perfection in my mind serves a greater purpose than you might imagine: As I remembered and expressed the joy I felt while eating, I connected with that joy again. Granted, I didn’t feel it as intensely as when I was eating the tomatoes in real time, but I felt joy, nonetheless.

And that is a big deal.

Why?

The more you intentionally cultivate, express, and re-live joyful moments, the more joy you are able to carry. Joy is like, dare I say it, a tomato plant—it must be cultivated to grow.

For example, this one little bit of tomatoey-joy in my life sprouted quite a few other joyful thoughts and expressions that morning.

• Joy that simple food can taste so divine(!)

• Joy that olive oil drizzled on most things elevates a dish(!)

• Joy that good food doesn’t have to be complicated(!)

• Joy that food gives me so much joy(!)

• Joy that the sun was shining(!)

• Joy because God is good(!)

That was a lot of joy, even for me.

Why Joy Matters

Our ability to recognize and express joy is a reflection of what it means to release God’s Kingdom wherever we are and wherever we go. Romans 14:17 tells us that the Kingdom of God is not about eating and drinking but rather about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. In other words, the ability to live in joy, peace, and righteousness reflects our faith more than any religious practices we participate in.

Indeed, being a miserable follower of Jesus is not a great look for “the brand.”

Jesus promised that His joy would be in us and that our joy would be complete (John 15:11). Hmmm…complete joy—sign me up! I believe that being able to carry and express joy is incredibly important in the Kingdom. Being joyful has a powerful ripple effect; it can positively impact others emotionally, socially, and even physiologically.

In other words, joy is a weapon against the reign of darkness. Oh yeah! Bring it on (even in tomatoey form)! Neuroscience agrees…

How Joy Impacts Others

Joy is contagious: Joy can spread through a phenomenon known as emotional contagion. When someone expresses genuine joy (smiling, laughter, enthusiasm), others often unconsciously mirror that behavior and emotion. This is mediated by mirror neurons in the brain, which help people empathize and "catch" others' feelings.

Joyful people can also help improve social bonds. Expressing joy can strengthen relationships by fostering positive shared experiences and enhancing feelings of social connection and safety. Individuals who exhibit joy are often perceived as more trustworthy, warm, and approachable.

Witnessing or interacting with someone who is joyful can reduce stress in others because of increased oxytocin levels (the "bonding hormone") and lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) in the body.

The expression of joy is energizing and motivating to others. Joy can help create an environment where people feel more confident, engaged, and inspired to interact with others. I saw this happen first hand when I was working with a group who are in the midst of overcoming addictions in Moldova. One young woman was very closed off and serious, but after I spoke to the group, she told me that my fun and joyful demeanor touched something deep in her that was long forgotten. She asked me to pray for her and invited Jesus to come into her life. (See evidence of received joy below.)

How to Cultivate More Joy

Cultivating joy is a spiritual process that involves aligning one’s heart with God's presence, promises, and purposes. I suspect you might be able to grow in joy to a certain degree without God, but long-lasting joy comes from Him. Scripture tells us that in God’s presence there is fullness of joy, so this is what we should aim for.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalm 16:11)

It’s worth noting here that joy is different than happiness. Happiness often depends on external circumstances such as achievements, relationships, comfort, or pleasurable experiences. Joy, however, is typically considered more internal and enduring. It can arise even in difficult times and is less dependent on external events. It doesn’t mean not being sad or hurting in hard times, nor does it mean that you always need to be happy and bubbly.

Joy is something we cultivate with God. It comes from knowing that we are truly loved and always forgiven, and that even in difficult times, He is working out our circumstances for good.

Wow!

(Me, demonstrating how I feel about that👇)

God’s Presence

If fullness of joy is achieved in God’s presence, it only makes sense that we start with Him to develop our “joy muscle.” If you want big “joy muscles”, below are a few suggestions for how to develop them.

1. Start with intention: Offer your day to God. Ask for awareness of His presence and the ability to see Him in all things. Remind yourself regularly that your goal is to walk with God, not just accomplish tasks. I can vouch for the power of this step because I woke up feeling overwhelmed with all I had to do today. Instead of making lists and ticking off tasks, I sat with God for an hour. I know He is the source of peace and joy, especially when there is a lot to do.

2. Use breath prayers or short phrases throughout the day: phrases like “Jesus be near,” “I’m not alone,” or “God, you’ve got me” can anchor your awareness in God, even in busy or stressful moments.

3. Take stillness breaks in the day: Spend a few minutes each day in silence, just being with God; don’t strive to think or speak—just rest in His presence.

4. Spend time in nature: When you are outside, purposely focus on the trees, flowers, and animals, rather than rushing into the task at hand. Delight in colors, scents, and experiences that connect you to the Creator. It’s hard not to feel joyful with the sun on your face. After I had my hour with God this morning, I then walked for an hour just enjoying the mountains and flowers. It was only after I had spent time with God and in nature that I began to tackle my “to-do” list. By doing this, I traded stress for joy.

Gratitude

Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what God has given. A thankful heart is fertile soil for joy. Below are a few steps to develop a thankful heart.

Slow down and tune in: Many of us rush through our days without pausing to notice the abundance of beauty and blessing in our lives: the perfect tomato, a great cup of coffee, the quietness of the early morning, the giggles of a young child. The first step is to notice. Every. Little. Thing.

For example, I’m writing this article while jet lagged with only a few hours of sleep, but I am feeling so grateful for these slippers, a comfy place to write, the sun shining, and the flowers on the balcony. Rather than feeling miserable, I’m truly joyful.

• Speak out your joy/delight/gratitude: When you express your delight verbally, it activates your brain’s reward centers, making the experience more vivid and real. This also helps to deepen your emotional engagement by turning a passing feeling into a more lasting impression. When you talk about a positive experience, it gets encoded more strongly in your memory, so you’re more likely to remember and reflect on it later, especially during hard times. Also, speaking good things out loud helps retrain your brain to notice and dwell on the positive, thereby rewiring it for resilience and optimism. Before I began thinking about the luscious tomatoes mentioned above, I kept talking about them (over and over) to my poor husband: “Oh goodness, these tomatoes are SO good…They are amazing…I am SO happy right now…The splash of olive oil is perfection…” The more I talk about my joy, the more joy I feel. I can also tap into that joy long after the moment is over.

• Express gratitude to others: Go out of your way to notice others and thank them for who they are and what they do. Appreciation of others cultivates joy in ourselves and, in turn, in them.

  -Thank you for doing such a great job!

  -I love your smile!

  -I like spending time with you!

  -You are important to me!

Process Your Emotions

It can be difficult to tap into joy if you aren’t in the habit of acknowledging and processing all of your emotions. Unprocessed emotions can “dam up” your brain, which in turn blocks your ability to access true joy.

As an example, what happens for you when you get an unexpected large bill in the mail? I’m guessing you don’t feel joy in the moment. You might experience fear about how you’re going to pay and sadness that you may not get to take that vacation after all. You might also feel anger about being in this situation and loneliness in having to face this struggle alone. If you take the time to acknowledge and process (say out loud) what is going on inside of you, you’re in a better position to receive comfort and guidance from God in this situation. In other words, by acknowledging what you’re feeling to God and someone else (if possible), you avoid getting stuck in the emotion and become better able to hear from God and then be led by Him. Sure, you may still have a big bill to face, but experiencing God’s presence in that moment ushers you into a place of joy despite the trial.

Actively Pursue Healing for Trauma

All of us have experienced some sort of trauma in our lives. Type A traumas result from the absence of the good things children need to develop emotional stability and security as adults. Examples include not being cherished and celebrated simply for who you are, not having a parent take the time to truly know you, not receiving nurturing, or not being taught how to overcome challenges. Many people don’t recognize that this kind of trauma can cause pain, depression, or isolation.

Type B traumas result from bad things that should never have happened to you. This includes physical and sexual abuse, verbal abuse and name-calling, abandonment, and witnessing someone else being abused.

Hurt from any type of trauma doesn’t just disappear. Although God heals and redeems, it takes more than claiming victory over the past to be free from pain. Unless you focus appropriately on healing the trauma or wound, the pain will remain a stumbling block now and in the future. Both types of trauma limit our ability to return to a place of joy.

Thus, trauma needs to be healed so joy can be fully accessed. If you need help with healing, please reach out.

Remember God’s Promises

Meditating on God’s promises is helpful for aligning our beliefs with His truth about us. This is important because we sometimes allow our emotions and past trauma to determine our belief system rather than God’s Word. Although our experiences are real, they aren’t always true. For example, if we view our lives through the lens of rejection, it becomes impossible to believe that what God says applies to us.

Scripture is clear that we can trust God's character and promises even in trials, so our hearts can rest. That rest leads to joy, knowing that God is sovereign and good.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. (Psalm 28:7)

The bottom line of this post is that cultivating joy is essential to your growth and maturity. It anchors your soul in God's presence and truth, providing you with strength, peace, and resilience, regardless of life's circumstances. Unlike happiness, which comes and goes, joy is a fruit of the Spirit that sustains us through trials. It fuels gratitude and reflects God's goodness. When we intentionally seek joy in the Lord, we not only experience deeper intimacy with Him but also become a source of encouragement and light to others.

Joy is both a sign of spiritual maturity and a testimony of God’s enduring faithfulness.

I’d love to hear how your “joy muscles” are. Are they as strong as you would like them to be? Are you intentionally training them so they become bigger and stronger over time? Please share your feedback in the comments below!